Friday, February 5, 2010
smile???
How do you smile and find joy in the midst of adversity? The bible says you can find joy and peace in the middle of it all. I have found that I have to ask God daily for the peace. Peace isnt natural to me. I tend to be in the middle of a crisis every time I turn around! I hope this is making me a strong person. I hope there is an end game for all the troubles that I have been put through. My life has been turned up side down since I was 12! When i was 14...finally i thought my life was changing for the good, then poof.... we lost everything, had to move into a 24' trailer....moved to Idaho, had no friends, no money, no home, nothing. It was scary. Then I got married at 17! I thought my life was going finally be perfect... got pregnant with our first baby and then once again it turned for the worse... I lost the baby, went into DEEP depression, the fighting started, the screaming, the hitting, the hurtfulness took over my life. I wished my life would of eneded then but God had other plans for me. I have since then had 4 more babies. I have had to work and struggle like hell in my marriage. My husband is in construction and one day we got robbed! They stole ALL the tools. WHAT NOW? How do we make a living? I got in a my car accident.... life took a toll for the worse, I couldnt get out of bed. I was badly hurt, on pain meds and then the depression hit me again. On a daily basis I thought about how to end my life. Would any one miss me? Now I am taking antidepressants and I feel 100% better... I have a wonderful family and God has taken me through it all. so Why now do I find myself in yet another HUGE mess??? A screaming parent, telling me that I am NOT doing my job well, that I act like a teenager... My life has been one HUGE roller coaster hill, ups and downs. When can I get off this ride. When will it ever end? DO I have to wait for Heaven to really be at Peace? Why cant I have it now? I want it now? I live one day at a time... struggling with life, daily asking for Gods help to once again bring me through yet another trying day. I am jealous of the relationship that the ppl in the bible had with God. Some of them got to speak to him directly and walk with him daily. I want that kind of relationship. I want that!
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Holly,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that it is very difficult to smile when you are so down. I haven't been through all the things that you have, but what an incredible testimony you have! You can just read through your life and see all the places God has brought you through. That, in itself, is truly awesome.
I find it hard to be nice and smile when people are so rude to me. It's truly a gift from God in order to achieve that.
For the record, when you sign up with God, you always go through a huge mess. Life doesn't get easier, it gets tougher. That's why when we walk with God, we must cling to Him when the going gets rough. This is much easier said than done. You can expect that it won't be a "walk in the park" so to speak. God does promise to be with us during these times and "He will never us nor forsake us." In fact, God says He will be there right with us through it all!
Just keep your chin up and God will guide you through those tough days. I'm speaking about this out loud for myself too. I've been discouraged recently as well. If you go to my blogspot, you can see a devotional that my friend had emailed me. It's really good and insightful. Helped me a bit and hope it gives you blessings as well.
For the record, you would be terribly missed if you were gone. So, stick around okay?