birthday #33

I will be celebrating my 33rd consecutive birthday in 3 days. I love birthdays. Even though we get older, I still enjoy celebrating life... plus the gifts are always great too.

schooooooling

This is my second semester of school. I love it. I am taking 5 different classes (13 credits), they are Biology (basicly its a high school version with a HARD twist,) biology lab, math (beginner algebra), psychology (introductory course), and English. I am going to school only 2 days a week to help keep up with family, school work, and (if I ever get hired) a job. I am enjoying school, but am finding myself studying a LOT for bio. I never went to high school, so all this stuff is new to me. I am behind in that respect. I have great teachers, all nice and all willing to go the extra mile for you so you can be successful.

Heart break

My life seems to be headed in a downward spiral. I have been wrong by people that I thought that I could trust and were my friends. Where is my purpose? Where do I belong? I feel like I was forgotten and left behind. Use, abused and left for dead. How can people be so mean and uncaring? Why is it me, that seems to find them? I have a big heart and I give it away just to be handed back to me in a million pieces. WHY? My heart is crying out for relief. When will it come? People walk by every day not noticing the pain in my eyes and heart. I'm on the edge of falling apart. I can only handle so much rejection and hurt. My heart has been trampled on with razor blades and expected to remain in tact. SERIOUSLY? How the hell? This is HELL!!! I have been in HELL for months, for years. When will it end? This is the beginning of the end. I need my life back. It has been taken from me by those who call me, friend. REALLY? 'Im your friend? PROVE IT! I have no friends. No one cares, no one REALLY cares whether I live or die. Would you miss me if I disappeared? NO, you wouldn't. Don't lie to make yourself feel better. If you were truly my friend, you would know my pains and be there for me. I feel abonded. Left out in the cold to freeze. The only relief I feel is knowing that one day GOD will take me away from the grief and pain. I will NEVER EVER have to deal with heartless, cruel people. He cant come soon enough. I pray in earnest for his return. To take me away from the ever lasting pain. The pain that plagues my life and my existence. I thank GOD for my family. Without my wonderful husband to carry me through the hardest times in my life I would never had made it this far. He has been my rock. My solid, firm foundation. I love him with my whole being, with everything that I am.

Pregnant?

Im not sure.

Hello 2011

As 2010 went out, I reflected on all that has happened.. the good, the bad and the ugly and I sure hope 2011 bring happiness, and better days. I cant handle another 2010!

The horror

Why is life so freaking hard? All my life, Ive had one thing after another to deal with... now its another. Im not sure that I can handle much more stress and sadness in my life. I thought life was getting to the greatness that I know it can be, but then BOOM, A giant earthquake moves my world and sends me back into the dismal spinning chaotic shattered world that I belong to. Up and down and spinning around, life throwing hair pin turns at you while you try to steer the imaginary car. I feel more like the passenger in this so called life than the driver. When do I get to create the perfect world I so long to be in? When do I get to be on easy street? Will I ever end up in paradise?